Spanx, the stretchy little undergarment that manages to suck us women in better than a shoe sale. They may not be the sexiest things but they manage to make us look prettier by smoothing any lumps and bumps out under any tight fitting outfits. Some have called it the modern-day girdle but this little miracle worker is under skirts of women everywhere.
As much as I loved Spanx I’ve actually sworn them off after an embarrassing little incident that happened about a year ago. I would only normally wear them when a super form-fitting dress was involved and when I knew there was zero chance of me hooking up with anyone ie. during the work day, going out when I had work the next day, etc. But, there are always exceptions to the norm, especially with my luck.
I was going out with one of my girlfriends to an event at Wynn. It wasn’t going to be a wild and crazy night simply a premier party for a TV show with the cast all being there. We both loved the show which is why we decided to go. The event was fun, nothing out of the norm and afterwards we hopped over to another casino to hang out and have drinks.
Bloody Mary from the Cosmopolitan.
We were seated in a large banquette in the middle of the bar sipping Bloody Marys one after another when we noticed to our right was a good-looking guy sitting by himself and after a second look he turned out to be Albie from the Real Housewives TV series. Do yourself a favor and Google him, he’s easy on the eyes to say the least. An annoying group of guys came and decided to just help themselves to our table, it was the perfect excuse for us to get up and sit with Albie.
He was very nice and a little shy, but that is what drinks are for. He loosened up after a few and invited my friend and I up to his room. Now going up to some guy’s room is not something I tend to do after only a few drinks, especially with a girlfriend but he did tempt us with Grey Goose and he didn’t come off creepy in any way. We go up and he has an amazing suite with a wraparound balcony and a to-die-for view of Vegas.
View from his balcony. To-die-for, right?
We warmed up with two shots, chasing them with our Bloody Marys that we brought upstairs with us. At this point, I was quite a few drinks in so I don’t really know why I thought taking shots was a good idea but I went for it anyways. As much as I can easily able to turn down a drink it’s really hard for me at time to turn down a shot because I’m just so damn good at swallowing them quickly. Read what you will into that one.
The three of us then went to sit out on the balcony and enjoy the rest of the night. The shots caught up to me and I started getting a little frisky as did Albie when his hand slid up the bottom of my dress. I thought nothing of it for half a second until I realized I was wearing a pair of Spanx. For those of you that don’t know about the classic pair of Spanx, to start they’re crotchless go up to about your navel and are booty shorts length. So I could only imagine what the hell he thought I was wearing under my dress when he slid his hand up there.
I quickly excused myself to go to the restroom and my drunk self could barely stumble to the balcony door let alone manage to get it open on my own. After a bit of a struggle I got inside and to the restroom where I proceeded to peel off my Spanx. After I had them off I had to figure out somewhere to put them. I definitely didn’t want to leave them somewhere he could find them but thankfully the sink basin had drawers, particularly a long, skinny almost decorative drawer where my Spanx were then stuffed. There’s no way a housekeeper would even look that far back so chances are my worn undergarments are still sitting there.
I went back outside for a little bit until the lovely urge to vomit came over me. I wandered back to the bathroom and then proceeded down to the marble floor to hug the toilet until I felt better. I closed my eyes for just a second and realized I had probably passed out for at least twenty minutes. I pulled myself together, walked out of the bathroom and the next thing I know I woke up on the couch.
It was the first and only time I had blacked-out from drinking. I woke up and looked around for my friend who was no where to be found all the many doors in the room were closed but there was no sign of anyone. The last thing I wanted to do was face Albie again after the embarrassment of being caught wearing Spanx so I hightailed it out of there hoping that he would just forget the little encounter.
